Year of the Big Ride

As I sit here in the Great White North, pining for my bike and Hill Country Roads, it seems appropriate to remember the Highs and Lows of 2010. Per the Garmin, 4,855 miles and 295,000 feet of climb in 2010.

January (12 Garmin Rides):

• New Year's Day Fun Ride: Dough rolled downtown and through campus. Excellent ride, only for it's metro-venture.
• Lime Creek: Did our first Dough spin on Lime Creek on 1/23.
• BlackJack: On January 30, we rode the BlackJack for the first time. Great route all by itself, or bolted on to a longer roll.

February (11 Garmin Rides):

• Cormac's Noose - on 2/14, we did our first Dough roll from Lola to Fitzhugh.
• Dam Loop - Did five different versions of the dam loop in February (Mod+Cuern, Oz, ModOz(2), CryingOz)

March (1 Garmin Ride):

• Pedal Thru the Pines (3/6) This was a short month.

April (10 Garmin Rides):

• First ride back- 4/3, less than 5 weeks from the crash. This was a great day.
• AT and Scheibs did the Poppy Ride
• MS150 - 4/16 and 4/17 - Me, Panozz, Ullrich, Bergamo, Fitzy and VJ rode together. Blaine, Stanton and Hoodie rode with other teams. Rainy, but relatively safe. Learned some chemical warfare survuval skills.

May (16 Garmin Rides):

• Shiner Ride - tailie was sweet! Averaged 21.6 mph, suffered because of lack of base, but the beer was excellent!
• Haggis - 5/18 was our first meal of haggis. AT has since lost his taste for this breakfast meal. RULE5 is in order!
• Real Ale Ride - 5/22. The Carlsons and I bolted an additional 8 miles onto this ride, in prep for the Harpoon. AT was too impatient.

June (9 Garmin Rides):

• Atlas Ride -6/5. Panozzo missed it due to some explosive digestive issues. Ullrich exploded mid-ride. AT scoffed at the accomodations. I kinda liked the route, but the ride was a little like a chore.
• Haggis - 4 orders In June. Harpoon prep.
• Harpoon B2B - Me, AT, Carlsons hit the Leviathan. Paternity tests will be due in March. (see pic below)
• Copper Triangle - Panozz did this one sans Dough....

July (10 Garmin Rides):

• No Country for Old Men - One of the few debriefs that I am happy with.
• Best in-ride Line: MC's compact crank remark.
• Two routes in Atlanta. Me and Ullrich salvaged a baseball trip. While he almost destroyed my bike. I appreciated him carting it to Ga!

August (25 Garmin Rides):

• Commutes- Who knew August is a commuter month. 10 garmin rides to/from office
• Soccer ride!-Snuck in a ride in Houston with Tyler.
• Black Haggis - 8/31 was the first time we bolted the BlackJack and the Hag.

September (16 Garmin Rides):

• No Big Rides
• Discovered the cut thru from Lost Creek to Bee Cave.

October (14 Garmin Rides):

• Livestrong - very emotional day for the Dough. Great crew, great cause. See pics on the website.

November (10 Garmin Rides):

• Tour das Hugel 11/13 - This was the crowning ride in a year of big ones. Panozz, Carlson, Bergamo, Fitzy, AT and me finished. Q executed a planned retreat.

December (10 Garmin Rides):

• Lost Horizons (12/4) - Rolled Parmer to Andice from Scheibs house. Despite multiple punctures, the ride was a blast. Got some tips from Guz on riding in the pack.
• Johnson City (12/18) - Discovered CR 301 connector to our Fitzhugh run. Switchback on Hamilton Pool is best climb in Texas.

Leviathan Jr.

Sunday Debrief

Perk was outta gas today. Small crew, with Z, AT, Bergamo, Z's buddy Phillip and I. we did the Mod Aussie. 40 miles. Starting Temp was 31 degrees. I tried to keep my power below threshold, which kept me off the back all ride. It was good to ride both days, but I am really feeling yesterday's effort. AT complemented my body geometry, as eminently draft-worthy. I think this is a back-handed complement, but am letting it slide for the Holidays. Phillip, Z and Bergamo dropped me and AT, so we limped back to Lola at recovery pace. This is my last ride of the year, so you guys enjoy the rolls without me!

Johnson City Loop

Ok, first off. Thanks to the Dough for raining me with adoration. I really love riding with you knuckleheads, and am really thankful to have such a great crew of friends. Your generosity really humbles me. So thanks fellas!!

So now to the roll.

Me, Panozz, Hoodie, AT, VJ, Yeti and Malo met at 290 and Fitzhugh this am. At 8am, the temp was around 30. Ridonkulous. So we called an audible and drove to the Texaco at Fitzhugh and 12, converting our ride to a 55 miler, and giving us about 20 minutes of sunrise to warm up the Hill Country.

We spun it up down Fitzhugh, and warmed up about 30 minutes down the road. For those of you that have done Fitzhugh, it was typical. Which means awesome. Great googly moogly, Panozzo is strong. He bolted about 10 miles shy of JC, and I tried to hang on. I entered my threshold at some point early on, then blacked out. I came to with Mauricio sidling away from me on hill4, post-break.

We regrouped (sans Veej) at the JC Exxon. Lady at the counter was her usual self. AT buys a can of chilled starbux. As he pays, she sings "Don't you wish your coffee was hot like me!" Then Hoodie sidles up. She sings "I`m a big baller you a little smaller, step up to my level you need to grow a little taller.*" A true renaissance talent.

HERE IS WHERE THE REAL RIDE STARTS:
1. The Sacrifice - we rode 4 miles on 281. It sucked about as bad as you can imagine.

2. The Journey - We turned on Cypress Mill (Blanco County Road 301). The 10 miles on Cypress Mill were phenomenal. Small roads, bear skat, wolf skat, wild cows, Sweet rollers. (see pic below). I really thought this would be the highlight of the ride.

3.  The Money Shot - 301 turned onto Hamilton Pool (962). after about 5 miles, we hit the absolutely smoothest stretch of road imaginable. This was good. At Mile47, we hit a low water crossing, then perhaps the best climb in the state of Texas. It came with a steep-ass pitch, a switchback, and the absolute most kick-butt view imaginable from the top.
Malo rode like a vet, hanging tough the whole way. As I already mentioned, Panozz transcends Dough comparisons. AT totally gutted it out. Yeti was fresh on his first post-hibernation ride. Hoodie had a little rough patch, attributable to a cleat adjustment.

CONCLUSION: This ride is a keeper.

Happy Holidays Dough!!

*Nicki Minaj – Check It Out Lyrics

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/60017198
http://www.photoshop.com/users/doughboys/assets/f942b6a09d8448c484da9f737a4a02f2

2010 Doughboy Awards

As we conclude 2010 (The Year of the Big Ride), it's time to pass out some awards. Winners have been nominated by the Shavers' Committee, and ratified by the Grand Poobah of the Pelo. Please hold all complaints until after the 2011 awards have been announced.

Recruiter - Malo. This guy has recruited about ten riders, which about equals the number of rides he has taken with the Club.

Turkey Leg - VJ knows how to smell the roses baby.

Polar Roller - Ullrich heats up when the temperature drops.

Hincapie - the Yeti gets this award for being the most selfless cat in the peloton.

Big Ride Points - Coach takes the participation trophy, with 11 ride points in 2010. Time for the rest of you slackers to get on the bike!

Combative - AT. The king of the futile break, AT is cut from the Cippolini cloth!

Renshaw - Hoodie can draft three riders back in the paceline, creating a virtual chamber of solitude. Some may call it an armchair!

Most Improved - Fitz McPhaul. On the bike, less is more. Big Tree became the Splinter, and made Power-to-Weight his favorite ratio.

Loose Cannon- Who has inspired more nicknames than anyone else in the pelo? Wulf, Taz, GeorgeMichael, La-velle. Am I missing any?

TT- Bergamo. Combo of him and his TT bike? Deadly.

Sprinter - Coach. Hoodie might take this one in 2011, but it's the atomic calves in 2010.

Le Grimpeur - Gotta be Mauricio. Beat the rest of the Dough by an hour (moving time) on the TdH.

Cross Rider - El Rey. Hands down our best mudder. Likely our best road guy too, but  you gotta log more than two Dough Rolls to qualify.

GC/All-Around - Mauricio. If we ever race as a team, Panozz will be the guy we protect. Able to hold a wheel regardless of the pitch.

Two best rides ever in back to back weeks!

Today was one for the ages! Stanton and Vijay had last minute changes so that left us with Panozzo, La Vell, Cracker, me and my buddy from work Sean. The morning started off with Mauricio showing us all his new power tap which quite frankly worried me and I was right to worry. We decided to roll the Modified Epic (the Mod Aussie w/ the Lime Creek loop).

Good warm up and an uneventful ride down to Panozzo's Point. We bombed it down to the dam and then got spread out on the climb. Mauricio and Sean passed me pretty quickly and while I did see them again, it was from......how should I say, "a distance" Then the Wulf reeled me in and passed. Cracker and I trying to save something for the three bitches controlled our ascent up to Walgreen's. Down to the lake on Bullick and then over the creek and thru the woods to three bitches' house we rode! The three ladies kind of surprised me and came earlier than I expected. Wulf again passed me on the ascent and this time he was chatting about something and smiling. I wasn't smiling.

Everyone survived and we regrouped at the top. Panozzo led us thru Spicewood and inflicted serious pain. How great would it be to have a tailwind up 360? Schwinnng! Coffee at Lola's was particularly sweet. Overall, one of the best rides we have done! Cracker comes out after not being around for a while and rolls a serious 56 miler. He must be training offline somewhere! Sean was strong like bull and stayed with Mauricio all day. Dude you gotta come back. This ride after last week's Andice roll have made realize why I do this!

One last thing. Is there any truth to the rumor (that I started) that Hoodie and Perkins are out training at altitude? Hey Coach, how was the "soccer" game?

Ullrich

Rare Thursday Debrief

Really cold morning to ride! Since I rode the bike home last night, I met Lovell and Panozzo on the Haggis route. Miscalculations in projected mph led to lack of synchrony, which led to me freezing my balls off at Bee Cave and 360 for 20 minutes, as I arrived well in advance of the crew that left from downtown. Lot of time for reflection whilst my core body temp approached hypothermic levels. My epiphany? Never plan a mid-ride rendezvous again. My teeth were chattering by the time the bugs wheeled around the corner. The drop down 360 from Bee Cave was excruciating. I have never welcomed a climb as much as the hill to Rob Roy. Panozz just got his power meter. God help us all. Mauricio in search of his max power reading is not a fun riding partner. Not that it mattered, as he flitted away before extracting too much "try-to-keep-up" agony. Teres Mountain was as fun as usual, with the Wulf remarking "this seems longer than I remembered".


That's what she said.

While we felt like badasses, see Rey's pic below.

Message from Rey: "Rule #5, HTFU!"

Ullrich! Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag!

Power or No?

Panozz got his SRM Powermeter today. Sweet deal off EBay. So add him to the list Rey! And welcome to the club Mauricio! I can totally understand the anti-power sentiment. Unless you are getting paid to pedal,  a powermeter transcends any argument for "need" that you could muster. But I don't care what others think about my rig. As a bean counter royale, the lure of measuring, recording and analyzing my actual (and as it turns out mediocre) effort overcomes any common sense arguments about need. Riding is about the experience. The ascetic in the peloton views technological advances as a threat to his soul. For him, Jester hill repeats on a fixie are the only true path to enlightenment. That is fine with, but not for, me.  I will take every advantage offered.  Compact crank? Yep. 11/28. Uh-huh. Carbon rims? Don't mind if I do. Garmin? Hellz yeah! Power Meter? fuh-shiz. My rig is jiggy fly, as the Guz so dubbed it. If you like it, great. If not, then kick it with your old school downtube shifters. I am sure that Di2 is overrated.

Sunday Shakeout

Me, AT, VJ and DK. Small crew, and we braved the wind. 43 degrees at start, winds from the N at 12-15mph. Spun the Mod Aussie, and paid the price for the first half, cutting the wind until we got to Anderson Mill. I was still fully tenderized from the Andice roll, and could not/did not want to push the pace. AT was fresh and chippy, pushing a brisker pace than my dead legs wanted. Good to get DK back in the game, and VJ as well.
Postride Machiatto was great. Panozz showed up to say hey, as he slept in from yesterday. How did it go bro? Have a great week Dough!

Lost Horizons Roll - 12/4/10

The Dough convened in its northernmost boundary this morning, spinning from the Kasa de Karl to Andice. Day got off to a wild start, as we cornered a possum in Sheible's front yard.
Roster was me, Hoodie, Ullrich, Scheible, Malo, Stanton, Lovell, Panozz, and guest punishers Steve G, and Brent HomeAway.
Hard to get rolling. As in, "Hey, my shoes don't fit into my pedals..." Malo has been all over the globe in the last month, so we will let it slide. But there will be a code of conduct add to cover lack of proper gear. Scheible performed some bike surgery, and 30 minutes late-r, we were on the road.
Slow climbs and sweet rollers were the call for the day, as we churned some butter on some pretty sweet track out to Andice. Early ride dew left us a little tentative, but we turned up the heat on the way home. Bad luck for Panozz on the way back. Two punctures led to a lot of downtime. First one came at a strategically good spot for me, as I was trying to tuck my heart back into my chest after a 4-man death spin. Second one got him stranded, as the only guy that stopped (Hoodie) is rolling tubes big enough to run my Cross bike.Sorry Panozz!
BTW, pickled eggs are not that great for in-ride nutrition. That is a gift that continues to give back. Check the website tomorrow for pics. But I will leave you with a shot of Wulf, Hoodie and Ullrich playing "What's My Line?"

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/58776914

2011 Rides to Consider

2011
Pedal thru Pines	5-Mar-11	Bastrop
Red Poppy	16-Apr-11	Georgetown
MS150	April 16,17, 2011	Houston
Hill Country Ride for AIDS	30-Apr-11	Spicewood
Shiner	7-May	Austin
Armadillo Classic	7-May	Liberty Hill
Real Ale	21-May	Blanco
Napa Granfondo	21-May-11
LBJ100	26-Mar-11	Johnson City
Tour de Cure	June 4, 5, 2011	San Antonio
Atlas	4-Jun	Cedar Park
Harpoon	18-Jun	Boston, MA
Copper Triangle	6-Aug-11	Colorado
Hotter n Hell	21-Aug-11	Wichita Falls
Enchanted Circle Century	10-Sep-11	Red River NM
Fort Davis	September 17, 18, 2011	Fort Davis
Rip Roaring Ride	24-Sep-11	Liberty Hill
Livestrong	16-Oct-11	Dripping
Hugel	November	Austin
Wurst Ride	November	New Braunfels

Sunday Debrief - Circle C Shakeout

Crisp at the start, Me, Panozz, VJ, Hoodie and AT rolled a southerly route at shakeout pace. It was as uneventful as 40 miles could be, with the exception of a new Team Time Trial record on the Circle C Loop. This was not hard to achieve, as this was the first time we did a TTT. But, AT has a need to break records, so there you go.

VJ battled hard today, and is regaining his form. Panozz was trying to keep his pulse below 65, which meant we could generally keep him in our sights. Hoodie jumped off the front early, cementing his nickname. I was tenderized from the past four days, and not in any mood to jump up the pace.

Return climb up Barton Creek hill was as easy as it ever has been. Perhaps because I was going 4.6mph?

Next Saturday: Andice Roll! Who is interested?

Saturday Roll Debrief

Another Torvald roll this morning. Frost on the ground, and the cry of "Victory!!" was in the air as we rolled our fave 40-miler (Mod Aussie) at 8am from Lola. 26 degrees at the start, 58 degrees at the finish. Roll call: Tyler, Z, Ullrich, VJ, Panozz, VJ, Wulf/George Michael and Me.

It was a pretty standard roll. We spun Bee Cave without much effort, and started to engage the hammer (a bit) on 620. The Dam Hill separated the men (or man in this case) from the kids. We watched Panozz effortlessly disengage the Dough on Hill1, with Wulf giving chase. The Wulf popped atop that hill, leaving Mauricio by his lonesome, and the rest of us in various states of despair.

620 to Anderson Mill was good, but not as epic as a Hoodie-induced paceline. As we turned on Anderson Mill, Panozz went off the front, inducing my max wattage output on the day in order to bridge. Spicewood was phenomenal, notable for the pace and the presence of Ullrich, our quintessential cold weather Clydesdale. Only downer was the buzzing from the green-truck-jackass on the last hill at Spicewood. What a turd.

360 was a little too much for me today, but the post-ride machiatto was all the better for the effort.

Another 40 on the docket for tomorrow.UOD is black on black, according to Master Sergeant Ullrich...

http://connect.garmin.com/player/58088097

11/26 Nordic Track

Odin's raven soared south on Turkey day, carrying the winds of Njord* to the ATX, leaving the roads fit only for the nordsmen, the vikings and the polar bears. Ullrich, me, Hoodie and AT rolled a Viking special this am.

38 degrees at the start, we were fully bundled, with the exception of Ullrich, who rolled in shorts with embrocation. After making pleas to Fornjotr# for the appearance of Afrodull**, we headed west on Bee Cave for a Rough Hollow/Lakeway mini-loop. Battling Njord's forces the entire day, the group claimed refuge in the vortex of harmony created by Hoodie, a modern day Bergelmi@.

Ullrich played the role of Viking host, escorting us thru hill and dale of Lakeway. On the return trip, the Viking horde assailed the Francs, invading the French Bakery on Bee Cave. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued as we took our spoils (of double espresso and chocolate croissants) in a wanton fashion. (Wanton, in the sense that Hoodie was buying!). The natives were an odd lot, with the menfolk performing duties more suited for the finer sex. But then, who understands the French?

The last seven miles were rolled in somber silence, with pleas to Donar@@ for strength to complete our mission. Which we did.See y'all tomorrow!

References-

http://www.mythome.org/nordic.html


*Njord ( Niordhr, Njorthr, Niord ) Nordic god of the sea and of fire, winds, and riches (he is invoked to get riches).

# Fornjotr Germanic primeval giant, father of the elements.

**Alfrodull=Norse name of sun.

@Bergelmi=Norse primordial frost-giant

@@Donar =Teutonic god of thunder. Known to the Anglo-Saxons as Thunar or Thunor.

Ride Debrief - Turkey Day Wind Cheater 2010

We rolled at 7am on Turkey Day, with me, Ullrich, Hoodie, Lovell (now dubbed George Michael) and AT. Hoodie was in a Holiday mood as he pedaled into the parking lot. "Happy Thxgiving" was the greeting of the day for the Hoodster. He was like Bob Cratchett, if Bob had a southern accent, was 6' 6", on a custom bike and at thxgvng, not Christmas....Ok, maybe more like Buddy the Elf at the north pole. Goofy, supersized and super-enthused. Hoodie, you are awesome!

It was a true Doughboy roll today, with the exception of the bug-weighted George Michael, the Peloton comprised Clydesdales in lycra. So, did we do some hill route? Hillz No!
Winds from the south at 15mph sent us north on 360. It was a great choice, as we were above 20mph all the way to Jollyville. AT punctured on 360, and as a result we had a 30 minute kaffeeklatsch as he changed the tire (twice). As AT looks for gainful employment, he can cross Pit Crew off the list of potential career paths.

No more of note until we got to Shoal Creek and Great Northern, where we took a paceline opportunity, heading north on GN. right as we entered GN, some Violet Crown member bolted past us. Game on. Yours truly pointed the Dough North and hooked on the VC's wheel for a few cranks. Once measured, we deemed him unworthy. Afterburners engaged, we dropped him like a half dollar off the Empire State Building.

On Bull Creek we faced a huge headwind. Hoodie pulled the Renshaw duty, but the best I could do was 33.9mph. After that stretch, I humbly accept that he and AT busted the 40mph barrier. Beast!!

We tooled it team-style until we hit 360. With the wind behind us, we pulled a Max HR finish to a sweet Turkey day 30 miler. Y'all have a great day, and hopefully we see you tomorrow, 8am from LOLA!!

Team Bios 2010

AT – aka “Rip Cord” or “AT”. Rip has been riding with the Dough for about a year. RC is all about speed. Never one to leave anything on the table, look for Adam to go out hard and not stop. At least until he pops.  AT has the best collections of any team member, with some of the sweetest muscle cars ever made hanging in his pimped out garage.

Bergamo - Over 6 feet tall, weighing in at around 140lbs, he’s the prototypical cyclist. Pure sandbagger, he also loves the contrast between his motor and his downtube shifting, circa 1987 (purple) Trek frame. Those of us with less in the tank need to lean on technology from the last decade to give us a chance…

BK – Though his participation on group rides is as spotty as an Akorn-created voter registry, BK is a full-fledged spiritual member of the club. He holds to all of the ideals of the Doughboys, which is convenient, since we really have no ideals. For a chuckle, ask him about his Nelo’s bike fit. This guy is funny!

Chad – Great guy. Needs to put some air in his tires.

Cheech – On temporary assignment in Jersey, we expect Cheech back in the near future. How many people willingly trade Austin for Jersey? Cheech earned his nickname the hard way, making his bones on a group ride highlighted by an epic Chihuahua launch. Maybe the best story in Doughboy lore. We miss ya Cheech.

Coach– Pater Familias, founder of the Dough.   As interested in Belgian beer as Belgian bikes. Loves to ride. Rides off-road like a Dustin Hoffman character drives. Malo claims to get draft off his calves, which are prodigious, and white as Gollum’s belly.

Craig – Allegedly owns a sweet Colnago.  Let’s see it Craig!

Cracker – Dough member for about a year. Crack has jumped into the deep end and is still treading water. Second only to Malo in recruits, he has played a big part in driving new members.

DK – New member. Strong and reliable. And recently lubed his chain.

Dan – DJP is a one-speed rider. Hard to hang with in a sprint, he pops like Mr. Bubble about 10 times on a 40 mile ride. GO! Blow…GO! Blow….GO! Blow… You get it. Dan’s bike cost more than his car. And he got his bike for $250 on craigslist.

Drain-0 – Longtime friend and part-time cyclist. He rocks a sweet Orbea, but has been riding sparingly due to his bohemian approach to cycling, and life in general. His warm weather gear is inspirational in its total lack of concern for fashion protocol.

Fitz – The Big Tree has become a full-fledge member of the peloton.  Sporting his new Mad One, he looks the part of a Classics rider. George Hincapie maybe? Thanks to Hoodie, Fitz is no longer the go-to draft generator.

Hoodie – Fresh from the bumps in Colorado, the Hoodie is our lead-out guy. At 6’ 8” he creates a vacuum that physicists claim does not exist. Gained his nickname through punishing efforts right outta the parking lot.

Malo – Recruiting leader. Like any consummate salesman, always closing on new members, but rarely gracing us with his presence. Takes the best vacations of any Dough member.

Mauricio – Founding Father. Pain-inflictor. Resting HR of a cadaver.  The King of Leisure. The flowing robes, the grace, striking….

Q – Converting from MTB, Q is for Qlimb, as in $h!7, that Q can climb! Racing keeps him from regular Dough rolls (Like el Rey), but he is always good for a Lactate threshold ride when he can make it.

Rey - Honorary Dough...too fast for our regular rides. El Rey graces us with his presence between races.
Scheibs– Ex hockey player. Bunny hop skills matched only by Dan.

Stanton – College buddy of Mauricio. Rocks a sweet Cervelo. Needs to ride with us more.

TK – Corporate fat cat, renaissance man. TK is a multi-sport guy, recently picking up cycling. Ultra-competitive, we predict pain in all of our futures.

Trent – Spiritual member

Ullrich – Founding Father. As strong as his German namesake, Ullrich is made for the fall classics. His strength grows as the temps drop and the radiator becomes more efficient. Discovered Mount Fudge over two years ago. Has superhero ability to run at hummingbird-like HR.

VJ – Dr Fuentes. Veej is a longtime member of the Dough. Most positive attitude in the Pelo. He secretly desires a carbon upgrade, I am sure of it!

Wulf–  Recently traded in his Fallujah Flyer for a sleek ProjectOne Madone. His recent weight loss triggered a news inquiry into his hunger strike.

Yeti – A long-time member of the Doughboys, MC is a core member. He was there pre-jersey. Pre-bib. Pre-sub 40 degrees riding. Renowned for his ability to hibernate.

Z  aka "Stevie Big Ring" – recuperating from knee issues. Z is back in the Pelo!

Code of Conduct

1. Thou shalt maintain your line at all times. Regardless of obstacles (nails, traffic cones, Chihuahuas), all Doughboys must respect their line. Slalom riding (aka “Going Wulf”) is strictly forbidden, whether solo or in the peloton.  No talking to stray Aggies while in any Doughboy paceline.

2. Leg shaving is assumed. We are not animals. Once shaven, embrocation application is a logical conclusion. Slather on that gunk, as it will surely add mph to your effort.

3. Official sunglasses of the peloton: We don't care. Just bring your own clean rag on rides. Glasses are to be worn over helmet straps at all times. If your sunglasses were purchased in any “buy one get five free” scenario, it is not approved.

4. Hair shall be kept shorn high and tight. We are not rock stars.

5. When a fellow Doughboy punctures, you are encouraged, but not required, to offer assistance. If requested, you are then required to stop and render aid. If said Puncturee waives you off, you are free to bolt.

6. Kits must always be freshly washed, adherence to the UOD is....who cares, really?

7. In the event a motorist disturbs one’s ride:  proceed to ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the hell out of the car while doing your best Italian. Wild arm and head movements (“Gesticulation”) are strongly encouraged to enhance the apparent rage. If in doubt, consult Ine of many of our hotheads on this protocol.

8. Pre-ride Coffee is a game starter and must be consumed STRONG (e.g. espresso) on a patio in Briancon in full kit; like your ladies, it shall be drunk BLACK.

9. When passing a fellow Dough on climbs, it is good form to make idle conversation, particularly if said teammate is in severe oxygen debt. This builds team unity.

10. When asked "how are you?" while riding one must proceed with one of the following...
i. Complain about the last five pounds you still need to lose
ii. Explain that you are riding endurance pace
iii. Mention that this is a "recovery ride" if you are really slow
iv. Explain that one is at the tail end of one’s daily six (6) hour training ride, which is likely true

11. When trying to make weight, use of prepackaged foods that could withstand direct nuclear assault without degradation in nutritional value are highly encouraged. For access to such performance enhancers, consult with either Fitz or Dr Fuentes.

12. Ownership of a sizeable parrot, casually outstretched index finger or upon  the shoulder,  is encouraged. The parrot should either be white or it should contain three (3) or more colors found within the World cup stripes. One must always smile when pictured with the parrot. The parrot should either speak fluent Italian, or do a pitch-perfect Rick Perry.

13. Doughboy minimum temperature – 27 degrees. Unless you have lost your man card. In this unusual circumstance, you are permitted to waive off rides under 45 degrees, which will give you more time to catch up on those Project Runway episodes you have DVR’d.

14. Please maintain decorum at all times during group rides. Should you suffer a momentary loss of composure, such moment will be retained theretofore in Doughboy lore (eg “Mount Fudge, Panozzo Point, Big Tree Roll, etc).

15. Futile chases of obviously superior cyclists are required. This behavior is the foundation of our  culture, and shall be encouraged, especially on recovery rides.

16. When training for a long ride, constant reference to such commitment is strongly encouraged. Such conversation stimulates the adrenal gland of non-participants, enhancing team unity.

17. When assuming the duties at the front of the paceline, there is a “three crank minimum” before dropping back. If you have not pulled for any portion of the ride, note that everyone in the paceline notices said lack of effort. Wheelsucking is discouraged in all but survival situations. When survival is on the line, who cares anyway?

18. When confronted with angry dogs, the proper protocol is to put at least one Doughboy between you and said frothing canine. This is known as the “Perkins Maneuver”. This move also encourages team unity.

19. On large group charity rides, if your goal is total flameout, keep pace with Mauricio. If you are more interested in orderly procession to the finish line, pace MC. If you need any in-ride pharma, consult Dr Fuentes

20. OBEY ALL TRAFFIC LAWS. Disobey at your own personal risk (financial and otherwise). We do not tolerate scofflaws in the HCD. PROBATION REQUIREMENT: Those with current moving violations are required to pull the paceline for 3 months post-citation.

21. Conversation amongst the Peloton is strongly encouraged. We are a social group. However, obey rule#1 lest lost concentration lead to bone crunching consequences. Discussion about carpet and cuffs is prohibited amongst group members, but acceptable if posed toward those both outside your gender and the club.

22. No Dough over the age of 30 will ever use emoticons — no colon parentheses smiley faces, no fancy bracketed mustaches, no semi-colon hotwinks.  Punishment is Beauford repeats.

23. On descents, Dominate the Downhill.

  

Turkey Day Reflections

Dough Nation, as we approach our annual day of thanks, I have taken it upon myself to proclaim thanks to the Club.  I am thankful for:

1. Tailwinds, as they make me feel closer to God.
2. Hoodie, who creates a vacuum that feels like a sunroom.
3. Long descents
4. Post-ride double espresso
5. AT's seemingly endless ability to attack
6. Malo's commitment to recruit new Dough
7. Ullrich's Spicewood paceline
8. Fitzy's always positive vibe
9. VJ's bag o' pharma
10. Panozzo's effortless expertise
11. Wulf's anal dedication to finishing at a whole number
12. MC's arm warmer/sling
13. Bergamo's downtube shifter
14. BK's sarcasm, as it makes me look like Polyanna
15. Tim and Dan K, who aren't common law, but always show up together.16. Drain-o's fashion sense
17. Dan's bunny hop skills
18. Scheible's hockey stories
19. Rey's commitment to Cross, as his presence in our pelo would only increase my pain
20. Stanton's Cervelo, one of the few bikes that gives me a wandering eye.
21. Q's climbing skills, which ultimately relieve me of Panozzo chasing duties, as they both get real small real quick...
22. Cracker's travel schedule, which makes me jealous
23. Cheech's bike handling skills in the face (literally) of oncoming chihuahuas.

Shiner Ride Debrief - 5/1/2010

Ok, I don’t wanna jinx us, but we just got back-to-back century tailwinds. First it was day 1 of the MS150, and today it was Shiner.

What a solid ride. The cyclists out there were significantly more experienced that the MS (no Ripley’s Believe it or not slo-mo crashes today), and with the tailie, it was a HAMMERFEST!!

DBZ on the ride: Panozz, AT, Ullrich, Me, MC/KC, RR, Vijay (aka Dr Fuentes) and Scheible. Excellent efforts by all. Seriously, the club is legit. We may not be getting our protour cards, but we can hold our own with the rank and file, baby!

Ride Highlights-

Rolled from south Austin, and Panozzo exploded right outta the gate. Of course, AT and Scheibs had to run him down. Initially, I deferred the tongs, but eventually got sucked in. (I am called the greyhound for a reason). Anyhoo, we split the DBZ pelo early, as predicted by MC. It was panozz, me, Scheibs and AT in the breakaway group, and RR, KC/MC, Ullrich and Vijay in the pelo. Note that they were NOT arriere du pelo, as they hammered well all day. (also note that no one DAN-seused during the ride).

Today I realized that I cannot compete in the world of Triathletes. And I am talking about female triathletes. We hooked on the wheel of a group of Tri-glycerides, and they were strong, regardless of gender (or body fat %). It was surreal. Unfortunately, they did not linger at the break station 2, and we lost their ample talents for the remainder of the ride. As usual, Panozz largely dictated the pace, and the rest of us hung on for dear life.

In the pelo, everyone contributed to get the group to the finish line. KC pulled a bit, with MC playing the Hammer of the Pelo for the majority of the ride. Ullrich and Dr Fuente beasted it up as well.

Tons less close calls on ride, but AT did almost get taken out by a twitchy Tri-guy that probably spends most of his bike time at PureAustin in their Spin class. Worst cycling skills ever. We hooked up with some Austin Bike Camp guys, and they were pretty cool.

Beer in Shiner was outstanding, as was the factory tour, due solely to the air conditioning. See Garmin deets with attached link.

Harpoon Debrief 6/19/2010

Hello all. Apologies for any offensive overtones, but I am hopped up on Harpoon Belgian Pale Ale. Post ride spoils for us doing the ultimate job on the hahpoon. We freakin dominated!  Me, Adam, MC and KC woke up at 330am and rolled down to the start. Bagel and cream cheese. Check. Rolled outta the lot at 520, second group. Cadilac roll the first 45, interupted only by a puncture for KC. Btw, she made her bones with the Dough today. Rockin it hard all 148. At mile 24, KC got a pinchie because I failed to yell "Hole!". Sorry KC, but AT was in front of me, and he dooshed the call. To be fair, there were more potholes on this ride than you could imagine. Roads are better in Fallujah (props to Lovell).

Anyhoo, took it real easy to the first climb at 45. 7 miles at 6-8 percent. Ho hum. Stroked it!

Then rollers to mile 91, where we encountered a hill dubbed the "Leviathan" in these parts. Whatever. 8-10 percent for four point five miles. Spun it out. Fellas, in 9 months the Leviathan is gonna give birth to a curly haired red headed kid, cuz I had my way with that beast. The steady diet of Haggis for breakfast culminated in a crescendo of Leviathan Libido (AT wants a DNA test, cuz he thinks the baby is his!). Leviathan? Whatever. All four of us kicked that hill to the curb. One guy sez to KC, "you Texans can climb! No shiite dumbass! These

Side Note: New England Yankees are the worst riders ever. Absolutley no teamwork up here. These guys are consumate wheel suckers, absolutely unwilling to share the load.

Summary: we executed the plan. Reverse splits. AT show restraint never before showcased. MC was beastish, and KC was tougher than 90% of these NE dandie boys. And I finished. Which has been a long time coming!

On the bus to Hub City, basking in beer and endorphins. Like Shoeless Joe said in Field of Dreams "is this Heaven?" Answer: No, it's Vermont, but its damn close!

Have a good ride tomorrow!

No Country For Old Men Ride 2/14/10

Wow. A Chamber of Commerce day to ride in Austin Texas. Great group again this morning, proving that not all of us have fallen prey to the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. And that we have a fairly high number of heathens in the club. Whatever the motivation, the ride started with AT, me, Panozzo, Stanton, Wulf and Don Bergman. This is the last time Don’s name will be last in a ride (or a ride discussion).

Today’s Ride Theme: Cormac McCarthy’s Collected Works, or “Mein Kampf”.

Chapter One: All the Pretty Horses

AT brought doom upon himself this morning, calling for a break from the routine. “No dam loop-grind boys, let’s get out and do something different! Let’s challenge ourselves!” With that inspiration, we headed out south on 360 coasting our respective mechanical steeds all the way to Mopac. I love that stretch. Don (henceforth dubbed “Mein Fuhrer” for reasons that will become apparent) was sporting his new Felt TT bike, and he was aero incarnate. A human/mechanical blade on wheels. Stanton was rocking his sweet Cervelo, Panozz and Wulf on their trusty Treks, AT with his Specialized, and me with the Prince of Rides.

The fun began on SW Pkwy, with Mein Fuhrer deciding to breakaway up to Travis Cook Rd. Panozzo jumped on his wheel. The rest of us just watched. Don dropped Mike on the climb up SW Pkwy. This was Don’s “Munich Putsch”. He was now in control.

Chapter Two: No Country For Old Men

Once reunited with the group, Don started pacing a tempo from Travis Cook up to 290. Collectively, we spoke about 5 words in that timeframe, everyone clinging to the wheel in front of them. Then Don turns around and casually says,

“Is this pace ok?”

Translation: “Macht Schnell! Vee must Ride Fasta!!”

“Javold Mein Furher! I Vill ride fasta!”

 Das Fuhrer had arrived.

At 290, the Wulf punched the eject button, fleeing to Poland, while we made the turn onto Fitzhugh. It sucked to be an Old Guy on this stretch. Trust me.

Chapter Three: The Road

While Fitzhugh did not present an appropriate setting for nuclear holocaust, the effect of our pace created some metabolic apocalypse in the group. AT dropped back, and Stanton and I were gritting our teeth to (almost) keep up with Panozz and MF (by the way, I think AT was calling Don “MF” as well, but it wasn’t Mein Fuhrer…).

Some controversy ensued on our return to Circle Dr, as Panozz and AT got left behind, while they reenacted a scene from Scooby Doo in the UHaul parking Lot. We inadvertently left them, causing more physiological strain on Shaggy and Scooby as they pushed to catch back up. I believe my new moniker (as dubbed by Panozz) is D!@kh#@d.

OFFICIAL DECLARATION: We, the peloton continue to rue the mishap at UHaul and the resultant stress on Mauricio and Rip. Please accept our ever-tumescent apologies.

The final scene of the our story comes on the climb up Barton Creek hill. It was as steep as ever. There was bitter sadness, followed by redemption and an experience that mimicked death. Unlike any McCarthy story, we all made it back alive.

SUMMARY:

Freakin’ great ride! Fast, painful and glorious. Anyone interested in a Tuesday ride?