Memorial Day Split Squad

True Heroes



Memorial Day 2011. Let's pause to acknowledge the ultimate sacrifice that so many have made for our Country. Over the milennia of human existence, our country has offered the best (though imperfect) shot at freedom to both its inhabitants, and those outside its boundaries. That freedom is costly, a price paid in blood, so that we can go about our daily lives unencumbered by fear of reprisal for our chosen religion, political affiliation, sports team, whatever. The beauty of this country is that you can agree with me, or not.

Ride Debriefs -
#1 - Malo's Duck Pond Adventure

Dough "B" Squad rolled from Duck Pond shortly after 8 bells.  Cracker riding his last Austin ride before bailing out to the more bike-friendly flatlands of Dallas, Scheibs, Malo, and Charlie (they sometimes call me "Frank") made a good team.

Down wind as we rolled north onto Parmer and up to Route 29.  The first half of our 41 miles took 1 hour + 5 minutes.  The return didn't go so well.  Wind right in our face slowed the pace dramatically.  There was one bright spot on the ride back, Scheibs and yours truly must have looked like junk yard dogs chasing a french poodle when a young hottie with nice wheels (supporting a nice package) blew by us on the uphill portion of the return.  It didn't take long for the long tongued Dough boys to be drafting closer than safe riders should draft.  Charlie and Cracker must have thought someone had shot us out of a cannon.  Even with the incentive to ride fast we fell back and regrouped at the car dealer.  Never let it be said that Scheibs and Malo aren't team players.

Have a great Memorial Day and be thankful for those that have served our great nation. 

/s/ Malo

 #2 Lola Memorial

South Roll

Stanton, me, Hoodie and AT rolled at 7:17am from Lola. Looking for something flat, we headed south on Mopac and over to SW Pkwy. Pace was controlled, but would have triggered monetary damages had it been employed on the Duck Pond roll.

Absolutely nothing crazy happened on this ride. Stanton bolted early due to limited hall pass privileges. Totally understandable given that he orchestrated the Marathon Andice Beatdown. Great talk with him about my misconceptions about Aggie culture. I feel like I have grown as a person.

No tongue wagging for us. Though I did turn on a little juice on Mopac (tailie!), gently urging the guys to a little push to the finish.

/s/ Coach

Andice Beatdown!

Bunch of riders rolled the Andice (nearly) century today. Turned out to be 90 miles. Thanks to the Cycling gods it wasn't one rpm longer. Because this was a BEATDOWN. Ortho360 (Stanton and Dustin)

Me, AT, Hoodie, VJ, Stanton, Loaf, Dykes, Scheibs, Marco Rapha (fellow Raphite), Garreth, Yeti, Panozz and another Dentite (Jason). AND, we were supported by two super nice co-workers of Dustin and Stanton. Erika and Stephanie, you are awesome!!

To Andice-
As for the ride, the trip to Andice was eerily easy. The Prince is still en route home from Napa, so I had no power data. We cruised with a tailie all the way up, anxiety building with every crank took us further away from home. I think this impacted the race to the Andice sign, which was won uncontested by Marco Rapha, who was kitted head to socks in the gear of Rapha. He advocates the Rapha Continental Film (link attached). I just watched it. Those guys at Rapha are so tuned in to the spirit of the cyclist. Makes me want to grow a beard, get a steelie, and ride across the country. You should check it out.

http://www.rapha.cc/rapha-continental-the-movie


Return Debrief-

Holy headwinds! What a beatdown of a return trip. Thanks to the Ortho360 team for keeping our collective bacon out of the fire. Stopped at Camp Tejas for lunch. Stephanie and Erika has a carbo load spread that fuelled us up for the work to come. Lot of punctures on the ride. I think 4-5 in all. Lead to a lotta downtime. Almost 2.5 hours of standing time. This was a bummer, as the winds continued to rise (20-30mph in our face) in step with the thermometer (topped 100). Got a sweet rotation going when we got back on Ronald Reagan. Some of us (me included) need some work on how to function in a rotation, so this was a great situation. Took the load off any one individual, but kept us moving. The strain of the ride knocked a few of the guys into the "luxury box," and I don't blame 'em. Sheer brutality out there.

But Rule V had to be respected, and we churned it out. Panozz, Dykes and Marco showed strongest, but a big pack of us was able to hold the pace, in various states of dismay.

Lost Panozz at 360 as he took it down Shoal Creek to his house. Rest of us stayed tight until Riverbend, when some "selection" stretched us out. Stop light got me and Dustin back on Dykes and Marco's wheel, where we stayed the remainder of the sufferfest.

Wow. That hurt. I think I bruised my soul a little bit.

Huge thanks to Dustin, Stanton, Erika and Stephanie. This is a ride I will not soon forget!!

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/88583614

Napa Gran Fondo

With the ride firmly under my belt, it's time to document it. What a great weekend with friends!

4 couples headed to Napa: Dudes (Coach, AT, Ullrich, Yeti)+Brides (Nitty Kitty, The Natural, Ace, Supergirl).

Landed in SFO on Thursday. Of course you likely already know this if you are a FB friend of the Yeti, who maintains a stream of consciousness relationship with Mark Zuckerberg's creation. AT/The Natural hung out in SFO, while the rest of the crew headed to Sausalito. Lunch at the Spinnaker, where Yeti and Ullrich ordered cosmo-type fruity drinks and celebrated their manhood. We didn't have time to hit Bed, Bath and Beyond, but lunch was lovely.

How You Doin?

Off to Napa. We got a place off VRBO, See link below for specs. Sweet pad with some excellent views of the valley south of Napa. Checked in there and picked up bikes. As with all great human drama, The joy of the weekend was mixed with tragedy. The German suffered deep tragedy, as his Prince was damaged during shipment. As tragic as it was, the German took it as well as you could expect. He rented a Cervelo in place of the Prince. While there is no replacement for the Prince of Italia, the Cervelo proved an able rig. No more shall be said of this. Dinner in the vault at Ristorante Allegria. What was discussed in the Vault, stayed in the Vault. Just know that stories were told, of talcum, hair, and Andy Kaufmann. You would have loved it.

Friday we hit 3 wineries, hydrating in unconventional fashion. Del Dotto rocked, Peju was damn good, and Cakebread was super cool and educational. Pre-ride carbo-load was provided by AT, excellent pasta, steak and grilled veggies. Well done AT!

Del Dotto Caves. Prelude to the Pain Cave...

Girls’ Ride

As I mentioned earlier, the girls opted for the 30 mile route. Two of the group were rockin’ rentals (Natural on a hybrid, Ace on a Specialized Ruby Comp). Both give you some comfort in body position, but one leaves you a little more exposed to the wind. And the taunts of leg shavers.

About 5 miles from the start, the Nitty Kitty punctures. This is where she earns her handle. As the remaining 3 chix pedal off, she mews ever so sweetly for help. Luckily some SAG dude stops and changes her tire. Life is good when a smile is your umbrella. Supergirl, sensing an injustice, turns and retrieves our lost kitty. All fun and games until the ride back. Supergirl, who is made of sterner stuff than her tires, punctures.  Whilst changing, Ace (Ventura) feels the call of nature. She drops trow and tinkles, (partially) protected by a Holly tree. In a show of feminine unity and independence, The Natural also waters the same area. Had we done this in Cali, I guarantee you we would be in the pokey. A little later, the Natural gets dropped from the group, likely losing focus on the bike due to reminiscing about an old flame, Andy Kauffman. Unbeknownst to TN, the purseline had stopped at the top of the hill and was waiting for her to rejoin the rolling klatsch (they averaged about 11.5mph). Ever the independent thinker, the Natural eschewed the posted route and relied on the trusty Iphone for directions to Napa. Unfortunately, this led to a turn off the course and sent the klatsch into a frenzy. Once again, Supergirl pounced. Hauling ass thru drunk Napa traffic, she reeled in our Favorite Yogi in short order. Team unity restored, the ladies maintained a civil pace to the finish. By the way, the finish could not have been more anticlimactic. You turn left at a light (in full traffic) then take another immediate left into a parking lot, greeted by ONE dude ringing a cowbell. Seriously.  

The powerpuff squad then reposed to the victory garden for free Sierra Nevada. I think they served food too, but who cares! Well done ladies!!

The Grape Ape

DUDE RIDE RECAP-
Ride day was perfect. 50 degrees at the start. The ladies did the 30 miler, the fellas the hundo.

 Pre-Ride:
This is the absolute worst part of any group ride. 800 riders, and a lot of legshavers in the crew. This was a pretty experienced crew, no chicken suits or unicycles. Still, in every pack of Rule V-ers, there is a zeta crew of D-bags. For instance, there was the little Italian (5'3"-200lbs) wearing a kit that looked like Jackson Pollock vomited all over him. Orange, Red, Light Blue, with yellow shoes. And a bike that looked like it just ran a Cross track. Please. Then the Deloitte guy with the brand new Wilier, touch screen Garmin, and Sidi Ergo 2's. And about 280lbs. Made Eardie look like a climber. AT takes one look and states "buying it is the easy part".... Lastly, there was the person in the MontereyVkit. WTF? . Maybe I was just antsy, but I felt trapped in a cage.


Finally it was go time. Rolled out of Napa cold but excited. Heart rate was too high all day. Hydration Equation: adrenaline+wine=elevated HR.


First two miles were "controlled", which meant we rode super slow. Escorted by a chopper. Point for next year: Helicopters are not a super great idea in a bike ride. Wind sucks when you know where it's coming from. Sucks even worse when it attacks you in stealth mode. First 20 miles were super flat. we all stayed together in a quick group. I would call them the B- group. Hung with them for the first 20 miles. Hit the first climb and they slowly pulled away. Me and AT lost Ullrich and Yeti at this point. We climbed at a manageable pace, like big guys saving matches for the timed section.

Timed Climb Notes, or COACH/AT go spelunking in the Pain Cave

The timed climb was not exactly scientific. They sent groups off in five minute increments, which left AT and I waiting at the bottom for a few minutes. We went out hot. Two fat guys dueling with butterknives. It was not Contador v. Armstrong. But it was still in your face competition. Was not my best day in the saddle, and AT was feeling his oats. EPO? Probably not. Pre-ride sacrifice to Bacchus? More likely. Moreover, just pure freakin’ elbow grease, courtesy of PedalHard. Whatever the cause, I was hammering and he was on me like a dingleberry. Could not shake him. When the climb (4 miles, Cat3-per Strava) leveled a bit, he would get cheeky and pop in front of me, giving me a cherry massengill smile as he passed. Well Played Mauer. Well played. In the end, we both dug deep into the pain cave. My power numbers were average, but the HR was ridiculous (188bpm) over the 23 minute effort. We crossed the finish line a second apart, 70^th and 71^st out of 400+ entrants. Not bad for some fat wine sots out for a ride. AT immediately cramped, and I wanted to get a lung transplant. As we recuperated, we were served a tasty looking treat from the Culinary Institute (don’t waste your money). It supposedly had olive oil and ginger. Perhaps, but it had a heaping helping of sawdust. We popped it in our mouths, and simultaneously vacated it, reenacting a scene out of Tom Hanks’ classic movie“Big”. I think AT actually scraped his tongue.

Ullrich/Yeti

As they waited at the bottom, the Yacker accosted our German. Apparently, the demise of the Prince is big news amongst the wrenches in Napa. This dude had all the gear, and was talking loudly about the Fallen Prince, the forthcoming hammerfest that awaited the crowd, and other boring stuff that Ullrich told me, which I forgot. Even the Yeti grew tired of the vocal spewage. This is an indicator of Douchedom. After they got the green light, Yeti and the German flushed the Douche out the back. As a wise old man once said, “buying it is the easy part”…

We all regrouped at the top, gathered our wits, then headed downhill.

I must pause here for emphasis.

This was the best descent of our lives.

The vote was unanimous. We all just bombed it. It was like 10 miles, great roads, limited switchbacks. Seemed like it went on forever.

From that point we turned on to the Silverado Trail. We formed a nice paceline for the entire remaining 30 miles, sharing the load according to what was left in our tanks. The Yeti went out in a blaze of glory, popping after a great extended pull. Hey, this cycling stuff is a lot harder than walkin’ on your hands! Ready, OK!! We rolled into a header the whole way back. But it was flat, so there is that.

Finish line was anticlimactic.

Except for:

-Ullrich’s superhero skill is the mega cramp. Which he demonstrated as he dismounted the Cervelo post-ride. It was like he was receiving an incubus-style digital exam. Possibly the funniest move ever. Ask me to demonstrate next time I see you.

-Beers and tacos at the finish were freakin’ awesome

-I won a bottle of Cab at the post-ride raffle. It was rigged. But I don’t care. Got a kiss from the Ride Angel. She could have been a part-time model.

The victory dinner at Cole's Chop House was phenomenal. Best steak place in Napa. The Magnum of  Nickel & Nickel = More than a dime of Happyness. Plus, it generated some great conversation. For instance, we learned the impetus of the Natural's moniker. We also learned the proper way to stuff an olive with bleu cheese. And that the Sommelier's husband is a priest.

http://www.vrbo.com/148505

http://connect.garmin.com/player/87460513

Dewscraper Recovery

Me and AT rolled at 6:30am this morning. Only thing notable about the ride was the number of no shows, which far exceeded the number of riders.

I rode slow. Slower than AT, who is maybe the fastest recovery rider in the Pelo. I got passed by this guy:

On Your Left

Johnson City Power Outage

Weather conditions were near perfect today. With the exception of a norse headwind, you could not script a better day to ride the JC Loop. Pelo included me, AT, Chad (!), Bergie, Scheibs, and....wait for it....The Yeti! That's right, we got the Yeti back. None too soon, as the Napa Granfondo is a week from today, and the MC is gonna be rolling it.

Bummed to miss some of the pelo's most reliable rouleurs this am (Ullrich, Hoodie). Would have appreciated a little Ticket-punching on 281 and 301, that's for shiz.

Rolled from 290 and Fitzhugh at 7:40am, with a pretty tame first 30 minutes. No one went off to soon, allowing us all to get warmed for the fun that was coming. At mile 22 Bergie got the call of the Billy Goat. And took off. Today the Berg was rocking his TT bike, which is a machete in the wind. Since my Prince is on a UPS truck to Napa, I was left with my Trek. A valiant steed, but less confidence inspiring than my techo-rig. As Berg kept the pedal down, the pelo dropped to just me and him. And it was clear his main objective was to get it down to him, and him alone. I hung on for about 9 miles. Not sure what the power numbers were, but we were cranking, and my ticker was putting in a little OT, averaging 173bpm over that span. I popped off the back of the Bergie train about a mile from the JC rest stop. This round goes to the Berg! Incidentally, I prefer him on his purple nurple....

Chad turned around an hour into the roll, for purely time limitation purposes. He looked smooth and has a ton of potential as a Dough Killer. Speaking of death, Chad witnessed a grisly scene on the way back. Apparently a motorcyclist took a turn on Fitzhugh in the wrong lane, and went head on into a Suburban, killing the poor guy. Prayers for that kid and his family. And the poor soccer mom that was driving the Suburban. What a tragedy.

Bergie turned around at JC, leaving us with 4 (Me, Yet, AT and the Scheibs). Pleasant roll on 301, just spun it. We were all saving some juice for the Hamilton Pool climb. 301 was all into a header, which was un-fun.

As we took the turn onto Hamilton Pool, Team 787 was regrouping, I think headed to Round Mountain. Someone called out my name, either Guz or Brant, not sure which. If you are reading this, give us a brief rundown of your ride. Always love to hear what the big boys are doing!

Punctured on Hamilton Pool. Wasted a little time. The stretch on HP with the new pavement was Oh So Sweet. Slight Tailie+Buttery Roads=Cycling Nirvana. Seriously, this was the best part of the ride. AT and me just CRANKED it. Controlled the spin up the switchback, and then worked the remainder of the climb like we were on a mo-ped. Really wish I had some power numbers here, because it felt like a great, sustained effort. AT pulled the shake-n-bake move on me right before we got to the C-Store on Route 12. Well played Mauer. Well played.

Ride from 12 to the car was awesome. Tailie the whole way. Scheibs didn't stop at the C-Store, giving us a little rabbit chase. It was a scene out of a John Wayne western. The outlaw gets a head start, and the posse gives chase. We reeled him in with a few miles to go. What a blast.

All-in, a real fun day on the bike. Love riding the bike, and hanging with the Dough!


http://connect.garmin.com/activity/85611545

Anger Management

The day started out wrong. Alarm went off way to early. Pulled myself outta bed. Got the coffee going. Went out to get the paper. BLAMMO! Wind right in my face. Boo.

Hit the coffee. Read the paper. Highlights of the News Day: Al Qaeda Promises Retaliation for  Taking Out Bin Laden. Shocking.

Time to get dressed. Where's my Rapha bib? Dirty?! WTF? Where's my Black Dough Bib? MIA. WTF2?

Annoyance transformed to Anger.

Fast forward to the starting line. Me, Scheibs, AT, Ticket, Veej. And a co-worker of Veej. We rolled out pretty tamely. Then a fat guy in a Capo Sausage wrap passed me.

Altogether: THE LAST STRAW.

No way was that schlub passing me. Not today. Not ever.

So I went off. And the dough? The Dough was angry today my friends. We turned up some heat and hooked on to the B group. Some serious leg shavers in that bunch. A Rolling Power Bar Commercial. Guy in red kit with S-Works Cross Bike. Buncha other typical cyclist types. Pretty imposing. I didn't care. Screw them. Not about the pace. Not about the impact on the Dough. Not about anything. Just time to GO!

Hammer and Tongs. Like a crucible burns away its unnecessary ingredients, so went the fury. But it took a while. And it took a toll. Lost Veej. And Scheibs. But AT and Hoodie not only hung on, but did some work. Not gonna go into gory details, but posted personal best 20 minute, and 60 and 90 minute power numbers today. Felt so good. Still had some in the tank at the 50 mile mark, but We turned around in Whizzerville (at mile 50), because we were all unable to obtain a bus pass. Shiner Ride Critique: If you are gonna let me ride one way to Shiner, you should take me back to the car. Ridiculous!

On the way back, we collected Veej and Scheibs. Controlled roll on the return 50. Two Hoodie punctures and a train stop were the only bummers of the ride.

Postride, me, AT and Hoodie stopped at Red's Porch for brews. Victory Prima Pils. Excellent choice coach. Smokey Goat was best burger ever. The Dough rode hard today. At one point, a tri-guy says "Dough? I don't see much Dough" Damn skippy.

Garmin stats below. Note 1st half was into the wind. Second half - Tailie!

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/84105142

"uhh, that's my wheel"

How did he get the beans above the frank?

Ultra slow roll today. Me, Hoodie and Scheible rolled at noon from Lola. Sheibs styled in his IndyFab Fixie. Very nice. Since we all wanted a Sunday Stroll, we headed south on 360, catching the breeze on the way down. Good pace for conversation, and we chatted it up like a gaggle of T3 riders at the Walgreens.

AT passed us in his little mule, apparently on his way to taste some dirt.

Turned around under Mopac, and headed North on 360, into the wind. As we spun under 360, somebody goosed me from behind. This may be commonplace in the racing community, but I am rolling on a virgin saddle, if you know what I mean. It was the Guz! He was on his way home after some grueling TT intervals, so able to join us in some light conversation. The Guz looks to be in good form, definitely ready to inflict some sour pain on the Cat 2 peloton. Get it Guz!!

We took 360 all the way to the bridge. At a leisurely pace. The only stress in the day's ride was caused by the fixie. Scheibs lagged on the first descent, so I didn't witness the spinnage. As we regrouped at Westlake Drive, The Scheibenator says "I was pedaling so hard, I almost literally shit myself."  I shit you not. He followed with a declaration about his junk getting sucked into his redeye vortex. Ouch.

Given these statements, I decided to witness the descent into the bridge turnaround. As the Scheibs hit terminal velocity, his legs were spinning freakishly fast. Think RoadRunner's legs. I was afraid he was gonna launch from the IF! Was I laughing? Guilty. Did the Scheibs evacuate against his will? NOT guilty. Are the beans and the frank all in the right place? You will have to ask the Scheib.

Y'all have a great week!