1. Thou shalt maintain your line at all times. Regardless of obstacles (nails, traffic cones, Chihuahuas), all Doughboys must respect their line. Slalom riding (aka “Going Wulf”) is strictly forbidden, whether solo or in the peloton. No talking to stray Aggies while in any Doughboy paceline.
2. Leg shaving is assumed. We are not animals. Once shaven, embrocation application is a logical conclusion. Slather on that gunk, as it will surely add mph to your effort.
3. Official sunglasses of the peloton: We don't care. Just bring your own clean rag on rides. Glasses are to be worn over helmet straps at all times. If your sunglasses were purchased in any “buy one get five free” scenario, it is not approved.
4. Hair shall be kept shorn high and tight. We are not rock stars.
5. When a fellow Doughboy punctures, you are encouraged, but not required, to offer assistance. If requested, you are then required to stop and render aid. If said Puncturee waives you off, you are free to bolt.
6. Kits must always be freshly washed, adherence to the UOD is....who cares, really?
7. In the event a motorist disturbs one’s ride: proceed to ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the hell out of the car while doing your best Italian. Wild arm and head movements (“Gesticulation”) are strongly encouraged to enhance the apparent rage. If in doubt, consult Ine of many of our hotheads on this protocol.
8. Pre-ride Coffee is a game starter and must be consumed STRONG (e.g. espresso) on a patio in Briancon in full kit; like your ladies, it shall be drunk BLACK.
9. When passing a fellow Dough on climbs, it is good form to make idle conversation, particularly if said teammate is in severe oxygen debt. This builds team unity.
10. When asked "how are you?" while riding one must proceed with one of the following...
i. Complain about the last five pounds you still need to lose
ii. Explain that you are riding endurance pace
iii. Mention that this is a "recovery ride" if you are really slow
iv. Explain that one is at the tail end of one’s daily six (6) hour training ride, which is likely true
11. When trying to make weight, use of prepackaged foods that could withstand direct nuclear assault without degradation in nutritional value are highly encouraged. For access to such performance enhancers, consult with either Fitz or Dr Fuentes.
12. Ownership of a sizeable parrot, casually outstretched index finger or upon the shoulder, is encouraged. The parrot should either be white or it should contain three (3) or more colors found within the World cup stripes. One must always smile when pictured with the parrot. The parrot should either speak fluent Italian, or do a pitch-perfect Rick Perry.
13. Doughboy minimum temperature – 27 degrees. Unless you have lost your man card. In this unusual circumstance, you are permitted to waive off rides under 45 degrees, which will give you more time to catch up on those Project Runway episodes you have DVR’d.
14. Please maintain decorum at all times during group rides. Should you suffer a momentary loss of composure, such moment will be retained theretofore in Doughboy lore (eg “Mount Fudge, Panozzo Point, Big Tree Roll, etc).
15. Futile chases of obviously superior cyclists are required. This behavior is the foundation of our culture, and shall be encouraged, especially on recovery rides.
16. When training for a long ride, constant reference to such commitment is strongly encouraged. Such conversation stimulates the adrenal gland of non-participants, enhancing team unity.
17. When assuming the duties at the front of the paceline, there is a “three crank minimum” before dropping back. If you have not pulled for any portion of the ride, note that everyone in the paceline notices said lack of effort. Wheelsucking is discouraged in all but survival situations. When survival is on the line, who cares anyway?
18. When confronted with angry dogs, the proper protocol is to put at least one Doughboy between you and said frothing canine. This is known as the “Perkins Maneuver”. This move also encourages team unity.
18. When confronted with angry dogs, the proper protocol is to put at least one Doughboy between you and said frothing canine. This is known as the “Perkins Maneuver”. This move also encourages team unity.
19. On large group charity rides, if your goal is total flameout, keep pace with Mauricio. If you are more interested in orderly procession to the finish line, pace MC. If you need any in-ride pharma, consult Dr Fuentes
20. OBEY ALL TRAFFIC LAWS. Disobey at your own personal risk (financial and otherwise). We do not tolerate scofflaws in the HCD. PROBATION REQUIREMENT: Those with current moving violations are required to pull the paceline for 3 months post-citation.
21. Conversation amongst the Peloton is strongly encouraged. We are a social group. However, obey rule#1 lest lost concentration lead to bone crunching consequences. Discussion about carpet and cuffs is prohibited amongst group members, but acceptable if posed toward those both outside your gender and the club.
22. No Dough over the age of 30 will ever use emoticons — no colon parentheses smiley faces, no fancy bracketed mustaches, no semi-colon hotwinks. Punishment is Beauford repeats.
23. On descents, Dominate the Downhill. 
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